Emotional intelligence is made up of several facts and can be broken into two parts – yourself and others.  

For yourself: 

• You will be able to identify your own emotions and recognise them when they arrive.  

• You can learn how, when, and where to use them, moderating your thoughts and beliefs in response to your emotions. 

 For others: 

 You can recognise how emotions show up in other people and how they respond to your emotions. 

• You will be able to understand that you cannot make someone feel something or change how they feel. 

We have created four scenarios, one per DISC style, that are treated differently by using EI and by not: 

D Scenario: A valued and previously happy employee resigns their position suddenly with little notice or explanation. 

Without EI – You would just accept their registration and let them know how inconvenient their decision is for the business. You will also probably start contacting the nearest recruitment agent to find a replacement.  

With EI – You could arrange a meeting to discuss the problems that the employee was facing and work on empathising with your team member. During your discussion, you can find out the root cause of their decision to leave and with this knowledge, you can implement changes that could possibly persuade your employee to change their decision furthermore you would be able to take steps to make changes that could mean that you retain other employees for longer. 

I Scenario: A new member of your team that you have butted heads with has requested a transfer and cited personal differences as the reason.  

Without EI – You might feel hurt and possibly like you have offended them. You may also feel they don’t like you and in retaliation will start to gossip about them.  

With EI – You can start looking at the situation with some objectivity and not take it so personally. One way to get better at considering different viewpoints is to be proactive and create opportunities that solicit honest opinions from others. Invite your friends and colleagues to give you feedback, and ask for constructive criticism on your work and ideas. Make sure you are choosing people you trust to be honest with you and offer perspectives that differ from your own. Listen to them and take notes. Review them later on and determine which ideas are valuable and useful to you, based on what they say not on how it makes you feel.  

S Scenario: You are struggling to make yourself heard on a specific project that is run by a very strong personality. You have thought of a great idea that will solve the problem, but the task will slow the entire project down, something that others on your team will not want to do.  

Without EI – You will stay quiet and wait for an invitation to contribute, and perhaps let others talk over you. You will watch as the problem becomes bigger knowing you could solve it if they would only ask.  

With EI – You will stretch yourself and with a self-assured mindset, you can rely upon your expertise in the area focusing on facts and avoiding exaggeration. Limit your filler phrases and embrace the power of silence but have the confidence to state your views clearly without undermining phrases such as ‘if that makes sense,’ or ‘you know,’. End with a firm statement rather than trailing off, segueing into a question, or just filling the silence.  

C Scenario: You are starting a business on your own and you are looking for customers.  

Without EI – You will be convinced that networking won’t work for you and that your expertise will be enough to run the business alone and that your in-depth research and specific website as well as all of your relevant qualifications will speak for themselves.  

With EI – You might recognise that sometimes a wider network can be helpful when starting your own business, not just for sales but for support too. To build a larger network it doesn’t have to be meeting in a conference hall with strangers who all hand you their business cards. You can look for groups centred around hobbies and activities that you find interesting and where you can build relationships with like-minded people. Set personal goals for any new interaction you have, something like connecting with at least three new people, or maybe look for things you have in common with someone you’ve met, giving you reasons to follow up. When it comes to reconnecting after an event, make sure you follow up in one or two days via email, text message, or a social media request with a personalized note.

This blog was written by the immensely talented Joe (blogs) Quintana. Connect with him on LinkedIn

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